UNPAUSE
Slightly over a month ago - I paused.
I needed to catch my breath. Instead of grinding, I slowed, found my center - seeing the journey. It has been a month of praying, searching, studying, and letting go. For the first time in years I have slept more nights than I have spent restless. I got mama/daughter tattoos with my precious daughter. I have floated in the pool for hours. I have read 12 books. I have gone back to the gym. I have focused on my nutrition. I have grieved the past. I have cried healing tears. I have searched my purpose in comparison to my strengths. I sat with my hurts and released its control over my self worth. I have let go over comparison. I have worked through some anxieties.
I found ways to be more grounded.
This has been a new stage to re address the past traumas and struggles - and finally grieve them. Over three years (likely more like 5 - a story worth sharing over time) I have wandered. Living without direction, living in a space of survival. Something changed. LITERALLY in an instant. I allowed healing to happen, permitting the hurt to diminish in my heart, soul and mind - I felt a shift. A PHYSICAL shift. All the hurt, resentment, angry, bitterness - it dissipated. Yes, the moment was instant, but the healing took years. To find myself letting go of words spoken, words of hate that I held for so long as truth - and finding instantaneous peace.
Instantaneous peace.
That is what healing felt like for me. I am honoring the years of work, but allowing my soul to recognize how God allowed me to release and instantaneously gave me peace. The process is never over, but now I celebrate the beauty of this restorative journey.
Why is it beautiful?
It is beautiful because I woke up happy.
It is beautiful because I am at such a deep restorative peace.
It is beautiful because God has taken these moments + said it’s okay to be right where you are today.
It is beautiful because I drank 80 oz of water today. It is beautiful because I sat in meditation.
It is beautiful because I went to the gym.
It is beautiful because I found my peace.
Finding things that are beautiful about my day has become restorative.
Until yesterday I felt unsure of what was next for my design business. In all of that unknown, I began to see the beauty that this month has given me and I focus on that one thing.
Today is a beautiful day.